Altrincham market traders forced to wear balaclavas under new consumer transparency laws

Altrincham Market

Following a huge increase in pizza related bankruptcies, all Altrincham market traders will be required to wear balaclavas under new consumer transparency laws from 31 October.

Our sensational report last year revealed people were taking out loans to eat at Altrincham Market, but a radical change to the Consumer Credit Act means that all market stall owners will be required to show greater transparency about their prices.

Altrincham Market prices taking the piss

From 31 October all over-priced market stalls will be hit with a new law meaning the owners and their staff will be required to wear balaclavas, so it is clear and obvious customers know they are being robbed before any money is paid.

Our source at the council said, “The message is clear, if you’re going to rob someone at least look the part. We will be issuing fines to any trader who doesn’t comply with the new rules, any persistent offenders run the risk of losing their pitch.

“If your prices are taking the piss, there can be no bending of any new rules, some of us at the council aren’t happy about it either, but none of us are above the law.”


Taylor Tompkinson

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

5 thoughts on “Altrincham market traders forced to wear balaclavas under new consumer transparency laws

  1. It’s a bit ott! People can count, have eyes can work out what’s reasonable and have legs to walk away and take their custom elsewhere that’s the power of capitalism in the market place 😉

  2. Its stupid why get rid of the ham in altrincham it is an old name it would be like getting rid of ham out of hamburg in Germany’s name and should be kept its like saying blackpool is racist or blackburn what ever next if they dont like are signs they know where the door is we would not be able to change the names of streets in there country so why should we give them the privilege of changing ours we build them mosques but if we wanted to build a church in there country it would not be allowed why are the british so soft

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