Altrincham to remove the ‘ham’ from its name to avoid offending Muslims

Altrincham's name offensive to Muslims

Trafford Council have began plans to remove the ham from Altrincham following eight complaints from middle-class white people who claim it is offensive to Muslims.

Trafford Council bosses have been forced to make plans to remove the ham from Altrincham, after eight irate rich people complained that it is offensive to Muslims.

The outraged toffs have claimed things must change if we are to become a truly diverse nation.

Moving forward as a united town

Ima Moner, an extremely concerned white, middle-class lady, who was the first to complain about the towns incredibly racist name, said, “I mean I’m not saying I’d like to live next door to one or anything like that, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit around idle and let the name of my town offend the poor loves.

“The ham should never have been there in the first place, it is extremely offensive to all Muslims. We should apologise, remove it to show our sincerity, and hopefully move on as a united town.”

Taylor Tompkinson

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

76 thoughts on “Altrincham to remove the ‘ham’ from its name to avoid offending Muslims

      1. This article has given me the desire to go and have a full English now..
        Full hit. Black pudding the lot..

        Alty will always be alty.
        No matter who lives here..

        Now get the bacon out and celebrate all that is Altrincham..

      2. Well done totally agree with you
        Altrincham has been here longer than Muslims arrived. If they dont like the name then find somwhere else
        Woman talking rubbish and stirring up trouble

    1. What a load of garbage. AltrincHAM has been here a lot longer than the Muslims. I have spoken to several people who all think the same way. We are NOT a Muslim country but welcome those who come here and accept OUR rules, regulations, tradions etc etc.

      1. Well done totally agree with you
        Altrincham has been here longer than Muslims arrived. If they dont like the name then find somwhere else
        Woman talking rubbish and stirring up trouble

  1. I think this is an absolute joke they have moved over to this country so why do they have the right to have things changed for them they need to respect are way of live and co exist with us. I frequently go on holiday to the UAE and they don’t serve pork sausages or bacon with your English breakfast but I don’t complain because I’m in there country so I respect it

    1. Please tell me this is satire, I mean even the spells are pretty gammon like! If you’re serious (see I used the right you’re there!) then you must seek medical attention immediately as per the articles instructions 😂

      1. What a load of rubbish! You people love nothing but to cause trouble and stir hate in your short life. Also Muslims dont care if you eat bacon butties have a full English or what ever other rubbish you people dream up. Your business if you celebrate Christmas get a grip and relax yourselves with your precious country that rips and robs its own people.

    2. This is satirical, you mug. Have you ever heard of this website or paper before? This is why Brexit is happening – believe anything you bloody read.

  2. See what you did there Mark, turn it round to Brexit. Nice one. In other news, I didn’t realise they let you have access to the internet in Broadmoor? We’re all going to hell in a handcart I tells ya!!

  3. People of Altrincham, calm down…!!
    This is never going to happen, relax, hold on to your Pimms…
    It doesn’t offend us to talk about the pig, eating it, now that’s a different thing..!!
    Hey we don’t drink alcohol, doesn’t stop me from owning a off licence for you to buy champagne, beer..!! Come on, I’m sure Altrinc will be the same happy bourgeois place its always been…!!

  4. Good Morning, It seems some people are in really deep sleep or they are thinking that Altrincham dont have any other critical problem to resolve…If such non senene continues than a day is not far when people will accept/force to wear Burkha 😊 just because it is hurting someones religious sentiments. If as a person I am not comfortable with any place name I should shift to other place or even country.. On fun note… My friend is vegan and he often visit my place for veg food but he has never forced me to change my eating habits. If he does so, he is not allowed to enter my house. Is it vanilla simple case😎

  5. What a complete and utter joke. Are people then going to take the Ham out of Birmingham Westham Oldham Cheltenham
    If having ham in a word or town offends people then they shouldn’t be here.

  6. Be taking ham out of shops next how ridiculous to even think of changing altrinchams name get a life who ever thought this up.

  7. So 8 people can complain and get the name of the town (that’s been around a very long time) changed. What about the thousands of people that haven’t complained and yes that does include Muslims. I have Muslim friends who live in Alty. None of them are bothered about it

  8. I definitely will ALWAYS refer to my home town of ALTRINCHAM and that’s how it’ll ALWAYS be!!. Absolutely ridiculous crap, why should we change its name to suit other people?. Fuck it off.

  9. Not sure what the problem is here, it’s not the first time Altrincham has changed its name. Back when the Romans invaded it was known as Bacon-Bacon-Swine-cunia.

  10. As a middle aged white man, I am shocked and appalled. I did not let other people fight in two world wars before I was born, to let this kind of thing happen.

    Whatever next? Will West Ham in London be renamed West Vegan Halal option? Ridiculous. As I said to my wife, Geoffrey, this morning over the breakfast table, ” we’ll all be living in the Caliphate before Xmas, beheading infidels!!!” That is if we’re allowed to have a Muslim Xmas!

  11. I think that we need to take a step back and think about what we are saying to people who have chosen to come and live in this country. Their choice. If they don’t like the name they don’t need to live here 👍

  12. I think people need to get a grip!! The Trafford Express. News You Can’t Rely On !!!! It’s satire. Jeez some people are so dumb .

  13. When a lonely person needs some attention, he/she comes up with something that would no doubt cause controversy and in turn get noticed.

    This is utter garbage. I am a Muslim, my non Muslim friends eat ham sandwiches and bacon butties all the time in front of us. We couldn’t care less what they eat and vice versa.

    Poor Taylor looking for some attention. I’ll buy you some swine to make you feel loved if it would do the trick.

  14. You all need to grow up and stop inciting religious confrontation. A gentle reminder to the prick who created this crap Muslims are not here to be mocked and you will personally pay the price if this erupts into something. We live here not you so please watch it.

  15. What a load of rubbish. It makes me sick how people use Muslims to cover a story when they never asked for this kinda stuff. They make it sound like we’re trying to take over the country. And the far right get riled up. — we don’t care about your ham!, We’re not taking over your country! we’re sharing it with a majority having respect!–

  16. Im a proud Muslim and proud to live in Altrincham I feel disgusted what is this to do with Muslims !!!
    I can’t believe how silly is this
    Ham as food is forbidden in islam to EAT not to live in or to say.

    As usual Media playing a very dirty role in here because this is in my opinion indirect way to drive people
    crazy and turned them to brainless racist.

    Diversity should work both ways you accept the others and they accept you . not forcing others to change their city name under the claim of Diversity.

    Stop publishing rubbish articles there is more important things in this country need to be be addressed

  17. Satire, yes. But sadly there are a lot of morons who read only the headline and maybe the first couple of sentences and believe the lot, get too tired to read the whole thing and get all hot and bothered. If it stopped there it’d be fine, but they tell their mates, and you know what happens with Chinese whispers. Our Muslim population have to suffer enough bigotry without this kind of ‘entertainment’ stoking the fire.

  18. The article is a joke of course, but many a true word is spoken in jest. If the word ‘ham’ was offensive to Muslims their holy prophet would be known as ‘Mumad’

  19. Taylor tompkinson… I hope you get to witness your whole family get acid thrown in there face… especially the younger ones… that would be pretty fun to see lol 🙂

    1. I’ve reported this to my mum. She is on her way to come and slap your arse with the slipper you cheeky little rascal.

  20. This is some great satire that has exposed the ignorance, bigoted racism that is just under the surface of our society! Just a little scratch and the vile racism comes oozing out! Shame of the tolerance and friendliness that we’re supposed to be known for especially up north!

  21. are they taking the fucking piss? in what universe is the ‘ham’ at the end of place names offensive? HAM is short for Hamlet, last time I checked.

  22. Readers, please spend 10 seconds on the homepage to read the headlines, and you will find that this is a satire site, the stories are made up for entertainment only.

    Either that, or we are going to start shortening woman to wo, human to hu and female to fe… to avoid upsetting half the population. Oh no… I’ve just given the writers another nonsense idea to write about lol.

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