Dildo inventor to be honoured with Altrincham centre 9ft penis statue

Penis statue coming to Altrincham

The man who invented the Dildo is to be honoured by Altrincham when a giant 9ft penis statue is erected in his name.

DIY expert and inventor of the dildo, Alstrum De Beane, is to have a giant cock erected in his name to celebrate the upcoming 80th birthday of Britain’s favourite toy.

The giant 9ft penis will light up in the dark and emit a laser show from the pee hole beginning 9pm nightly, with tourists expected to flock to Altrincham in their thousands.

Penis statue will be ready for Christmas

Many locals we have spoken to consider a giant 9ft penis to be an expense better off used elsewhere in the current climate, however Trafford Council completely disagree.

A source close to Trafford Council said, “As we have recently solved the Trafford homeless crisis by making 10 beds available throughout the cold nights of winter, we thought we could blow a shed load of money on a massive cock.

“We know many of our decisions are not popular with the vast majority of constituents and we’re as concerned about this as we are about the homeless .

“We thought the statue was the perfect way to tell them all to go and fuck themselves!”

The unveiling of the statue will take place the day after the Christmas light switch on so it doesn’t take from the big Altrincham Christmas launch.


Mike Oxlong

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

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