I never f*cking said that, confirms Jesus

Jesus not impressed by misrepresentation

Jesus, son of God, has released a sensational statement confirming most of the things he is supposed to have said are nothing more than people putting words in his mouth.

Son of the Holy Creator, Jesus Christ, has hit back at blatant misrepresentation in a scathing attack on all who use his name in vain.

Jesus Christ, has long been associated with a list of rules and regulations he passed down through his disciples via his teachings.

But the holy one has been left outraged at some of the nonsense written in his name by men looking to profit from religion some 400 years after his death.

Enough is enough, says Jesus

For someone who died for our sins, the Chinese whispers can be infuriating, especially when it is painting Jesus in a bad light.

“People need to stop taking the words of the bible so literally. Yes, it’s got some good points, but you must understand a lot of that shit was written without me proofreading it and signing it off” Jesus said.

“The vast majority of it is the work of fiction. I’d be a bit of a shit son of God if I harboured such hatred about the insignificant matters the bible spouts on about.

“I mean, all the bollocks about the gays and same sex parents I’m accused of being deeply concerned about are just ludicrous. Like, hello, I was the first dude in creation to have two dads!

“And for the love of dad, please stop starting wars in our name. We’re sort of promoting peace here and you’re causing damage to our brand. Trust me, you do not want to get sued by God. Enough is enough guys.”


Mike Oxlong

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

error

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

RSS
Follow by Email
Facebook
Twitter