All Manchester hipsters to be contained in Chorlton following Ebolabearda outbreak

Panic as deadly outbreak of Ebolabearda detected

Manchester hipsters are to be rounded up and contained in Chorlton after a deadly strain of Ebolabearda left hundreds of them fighting for their lives.

Manchester has been placed on high alert, as a deadly strain of Ebolabearda has left hundreds of hipsters fighting for their lives.

With most hipsters residing in Chorlton, Mayor of Manchester, Andy Burnham, has taken sensible steps to have them all contained within its boundaries until a vaccine can be found.

Ebolabearda must be contained say town hall

A town hall source said, “We understand that it is an inconvenience for Chorlton dwellers of a non hipster persuasion, however we have to look at the bigger picture and protect the many.

“Anyone from Chorlton not affected by Ebolabearda has the right to stay elsewhere in Manchester until we have found a cure. In the meantime we are asking the good people of Manchester to donate as many avocados and poncy coffees as possible, as supplies are already starting to run low.”

Mike Oxlong

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

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