Man Flu epidemic set to hit Altrincham following cold snap: How to look after your man!

An image to depict man-flu

From the ashes of snowmageddon rises a fatal man-flu epidemic which is set to hit Altrincham hard this weekend.

A fatal man-flu epidemic is set to hit the region with Altrincham predicted to be ground zero. With many women still completely unprepared for the shit-storm about to break we have spoken to medical experts throughout Trafford to compile a handy help guide.

How to look after your man when man-flu strikes

Sympathy – The only known cure for man-flu, and you should provide plenty of it. Ask your man how he is feeling every five minutes or so and be sure to show great concern when he reveals he is at Death’s door for the 4000th time that day.

Empathy – For a woman to truly understand the pain and misery caused by man-flu she should think back to child birth. It is the only way you will ever truly comprehend the devastation man-flu brings to the male body. Consider how tired and beat up you felt, then contemplate that this is every minute of every day in a man-flu sufferers life. It’s traumatic stuff.

Service – Your man is going to be totally unable to do even the simplest of tasks himself, so you should keep yourself close at hand at all times. Under no circumstances should you imply he is being ridiculous (please see previous two points). If emergency strikes and you must move further than spitting distance of your loved one, you must be sure to provide a bell so he may make you aware if he requires absolutely anything at all.  

Same sex male couples should be separated immediately, double man-flu in the same house is both catastrophic and fatal in equal measure. 

Taylor Tompkinson

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

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