Suspect your son is dropping his anchor in poo bay? Check out our handy help guide!

Suspect your son is dropping his anchor in poo bay

Finding out your son has an urge to nudge the fudge can be an extremely confusing time for some parents.

However you have nothing to fear. Our handy help guide explains it all.

A handy help guide if you suspect your son is dropping his anchor in poo bay

Is he more at risk riding the chocolate escalator?

Where he shoves his love wand is none of your concern unless it’s illegal. Encourage him to stay protected by all means, but taking it up the Derek need not be any more risky than sailing in the tuna canoe.

Plus, at least half the girls he knows will have taken one up the Harris before now – trust me.

What if he’s a receiver of swollen goods?

Same rules apply as above.

Just ensure the person back-skuttling him has his wellies on before he goes diving.

This is not something you should insist on checking before any carnal activities commence. You must trust him to sheath his man-friend’s sword on his own.

Should we convert his room into a sex dungeon?

Contrary to popular belief, not all gays are into Master / Slave type scenarios, so you should hold off transforming his room into a sex dungeon until given the green light to do so, your son may well choose a different path.

Avoid touching anything in his room at all. The gays can be unpredictable if provoked.

He won’t know every gay in existence

If your son has plucked up the courage to come out to family, friends and random knobs from work, you must not automatically assume he knows every gay in existence.

The psychic connection of all gays from birth is sadly but a myth, and if he does know Gary from your office, he’s probably bummed him.

Assuming his musical tastes

Just because old bachelor uncle Pete used to mime to Judy Garland into a hairbrush at the annual family New Year’s Eve party, doesn’t necessarily mean your son will.

He will choose his own music, and persistently annoy the twat off you with his mates until 6am for the foreseeable future playing it.

Most important of all

Don’t be a prick about it.

Mike Oxlong

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

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