Trafford Council urge people living on breadline to eat the homeless, with Altrincham considered to be the meatiest town

An image to depict the homeless

Trafford Council have urged its residents living on the breadline to give greater consideration to eating the homeless instead of visiting already struggling food banks.

January and February are notoriously hard months for low income families, and food banks are reporting record numbers of people seeking their help. To allay any fear of starvation, Trafford Council have announced groundbreaking, important advice.

Trafford Council have a cunning plan for food poverty

Local food banks are at breaking point, so we approached the council on behalf of many worried readers to ask them exactly what they planned to do for families living in food poverty, they had this to say;

“As we cannot be bothered to commit any time or money to the homeless crisis, let alone the bloody Universal Credit fiasco, we feel that we must be proactive as a borough to tackle the food poverty problem head on”, Lord Cunty insisted passionately, “Eating the homeless is the most cost effective, environmentally friendly way to dispose of them – whilst enabling low income families to put food on the table at the same time. Word has it Altrincham is the meatiest town in the Trafford borough”.

When pressed about the lack of homeless people in more affluent areas of Trafford he replied, “If homeless supplies are running thin, you may want to consider eating your least favourite child or family member instead. There are no specific rules to this, simply eat anyone who is surplus to requirements. Two birds, one stone. Bob’s your Uncle, Fanny’s your aunt”.

Taylor Tompkinson

Trafford Express is for entertainment purposes only, and the drivel contained within it should not be considered factual whatsoever. If anything published on Trafford Express has caused you offence, please rest assured we are not even the slightest bit bothered. Anybody taking this nonsense seriously should seek urgent medical assistance to have their head removed from their arse.

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